My new home was overrun with interior designers and for all intents and purposes, I was invisible to them.
“Is that snowman mat a JOKE?” pointed out one angrily. “Don’t these people know it’s all cork now?”
All of them were moving my furniture into the basement and bringing their furniture in.
“We need a chaise here, storm grey with a hint of passe frill,” commented one.
“That’s exactly what I was thinking,” said another with multicoloured hair.
“Where do these people shop, Ikea?” joked one in a high, squeaky voice.
“We need a charcoal divan over here for a masculine vibe,” said the only man.
They were starting to get my dander up. I mean, these people were tearing me apart and talking about me as if I didn’t exist!
“With canary throws, accented by tangerine footstools,” said the the rainbow headed designer.
“Of course,” agreed her associate. “That would add much needed texture. And for a focal point we need a living plant wall.”
At that, I lost it. I went into the kids’ toy box and grabbed a rubber hammer. I was ready to bust some heads.
“ARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH,” I screamed as I charged into the livingroom.
Boy, did they scatter. I went down to the basement and brought up all my furniture. Then I sold their stuff on Kijiji.
Finally, I was content and when I glanced over at the snowman mat, I swear I saw a smile on his face too.
Steve Mann has lived in the North End, Ancaster, and Dundas. He graduated from Toronto University with a degree in English. He is the author of a children’s book “Paul Bunyan, The True Story.”